Fear of Being Forever Lost Lyrics

Time has come for renewal
I urgently long for an altered situation
Only chained to my solitude
There is serenity in my insecurity
A fatal stillness in silence after the abuse
Long enough have I rested in the dark
Silently cried out all pain
Reached out my had for kindness
But dreading rejection

Was I reaching for false hopes?
Was I waiting for human goodness
Although all I had seen was human wickedness?
Was I closing the door for approval?

I hid in the fear of being lost forever
And chose to slowly fade
I swam toward the bottom of my sea fo self pit
Filled my lungs with deadly water from my past
I swam deeper when someone tried to pull me up
Sacrifice myself in fear of drowning the one who cared
I longed for an altered situation
But human kindness i feared the most
I expected even more wickedness

God I know that You were always there
Only Your thoughtfulness kept me alive
During my darkest hours

Was I reaching for false hopes?
Was I waiting for human goodness
Although all I had seen was human wickedness?
Was I closing the door for approval?

Sometime I wish You would have let me die
Still I knew, that You offer life in abundance
But I search for the indemnification that can come only from the who inflicted shame on me