Fear Of Being Forever Lost Lyrics

Time has come for renewal.
I urgently long for an altered situation.
Only chained to my solitude,
There is serenity in my insecurity.
A fatal stillness in silence after the abuse,
Long enough have I rested in the dark,
Silently cried out all pain,
Reached out my had for kindness,
But dreading rejection.

Was I reaching for false hopes?
Was I waiting for human goodness,
Although all I had seen was human wickedness?
Was I closing the door for approval?

I hid in the fear of being lost forever,
And chose to slowly fade.
I swam toward the bottom of my sea fo self pit,
Filled my lungs with deadly water from my past.
I swam deeper when someone tried to pull me up,
Sacrifice myself in fear of drowning the one who cared.
I longed for an altered situation,
But human kindness I feared the most,
I expected even more wickedness.

God I know that You were always there.
Only Your thoughtfulness kept me alive,
During my darkest hours.

Was I reaching for false hopes?
Was I waiting for human goodness,
Although all I had seen was human wickedness?
Was I closing the door for approval?

Sometime I wish You would have let me die.
Still I knew, that You offer life in abundance,
But I search for the indemnification that can come only from the who inflicted shame on me.