You're Making a Joke with Your Friends and Suddenly You Realize You're Going to Die Lyrics

When I'm laughing
I'm not hiding
I don't have to remember I'm dying

For a moment
I'm not trying
to tell myself
I will or will not be surviving

Only I know what twists and turns and always burns in my throat
It's the words in the form of worms and dirt,
I decompose again and again, a natural reaction I need a distraction
If my comfort is a lie, let it last -

- til the end of time, Can I close my eyes
to pretend a place with untroubled faces
and situations where I don't face this

Alive but so alone
A smile to hide what lies inside this hole

We sit in tandem
Staring at screens with people inside them
Who are paid to take us away from pain and malicious silence
My mind is crossed but not with the thought of what's to come
It's on these people and the fact they've kept me around this long

They make the same deadpan joke
It always gets me every time
I join in, we play along
But something's wrong

Stare into the void
So saccharine
Like stains on these walls
It fights as it they laugh with me

My head like a stone
As I fought with the snare

The harder I pull
the faster life's leaving me

Choking while grating my teeth
All this means nothing to me

Choking while grating my teeth
All this means nothing to me

When I'm laughing I'm not hiding
I don't have to remember I'm dying
For a moment I'm not trying to tell myself I will or will not be surviving